How to Slip Back into the Dating Scene, be Careful and Stay Clean and Sober
Sober.ly Exposed: Protecting the Vulnerable may sound like we are about to dish out a heaping pile of harsh criticism on the new Apple App, they are billing as; Tinder for the Sober, but really, we think it’s a fantastic concept with great appeal, however those that are new in recovery are vulnerable, and it’s our goal to protect the vulnerable.
One of the biggest mistakes in early recovery is to slip back into the dating scene too early. When you are vulnerable and in the process of healing, added stress and drama does not help you stay clean and sober.
Most people want to meet someone they can connect with and enjoy aspects of their life with. Some people are looking for long term relationships, while others are just looking to date and not get into anything serious. Whatever your situation may be; living as a person in sobriety it can be a little tricky to get back into the dating scene.
Sober.ly Exposed: Pre-Flight Checklist
- Clean up your past. One important first step to ensure you can move forward with this part of your new life is to ensure you are over the past; more specifically, past dating experiences. A sober person’s worst enemy is former relationships. These were the relationships you had while you were an addict that may have caused a great deal of pain in your life. I can not stress enough how vitally important it is that you have moved on emotionally from all of the relationships that you wanted to put behind you. Previously un-handled painful relationships will bring up nothing more than more pain and anguish. In-order for you to begin getting back into the dating scene, and to avoid un-necessary stress, ensure this is handled, and if it is and you are comfortable, then its time to start meeting people. Before you expose yourself to Sober.ly make sure your past has healed, otherwise you will connect with similar people and repeat the same patterns over and over again.
- Never de-value your own integrity. This is really where you have to have your personal integrity in check, and really have to be in the mindset of knowing what you want out of a potential partner in life or someone you would like to date. So many relapses occur because the person never listened to their own advice, and genuinely convinced themselves that they could handle their partner using drugs every now or then, or drinking on a frequent basis. Before anything even happens make the decision now, will I compromise with this, is this something that will make me uncomfortable, am I ready to handle this. If you can not come to straight and honest answer to these questions, it is time to take a step back and keep working on yourself. If you can honestly answer these questions and you are prepared to stick to your guns on your decisions, then give dating a try and have fun with it, but do not compromise your integrity for another person.
- Be aware of Creepy Predators. Remember, not everyone online is who they say they are, and if you don’t believe us, go watch Catfish on MTV. Catfish follows people who create fake profiles online in order to trick people to fall in love with them. I’m not saying that by exposing yourself to Sober.ly you’ll get Catfished, but that guy you just liked on Tinder could be a creepy predator or at the very least, not be sober at all – just using the system to trap the vulnerable. Just be cautious and thorough, that’s all I’m saying.
- Run it by your mentor. Whether that’s your sponsor, your counselor, or just someone in recovery longer than you, run it by then. Tell them about your new hot date and get their opinion. In recovery, more heads are better than one.
If the technology approach like Soberl.ly is not for you, you can always become a regular at book stores, coffee shops, and grocery stores. Believe it or not, those old methods still work, and at least you’ll know, without a shadow of a doubt, the age and sex of that person.
When you’re ready, Sober.ly can be lots of fun, and dating should be fun. The amount of fun is really endless once you have met a person who shares similar interests and beliefs; so we encourage you to expose yourself to Sober.ly but remember that you have created a life without drugs and alcohol and your sobriety comes first.
The people you invite into your life will have to understand that, and if they do understand that, they are worth keeping around.
Just remember once you’ve made a commitment, it’s time to delete Sober.ly from your phone, otherwise you might be in for a fight.
Author: Nick Bruce Hayes
Sober.ly Exposed : Protecting the Vulnerable ©